


all I have (to take your heart away)

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Canonical Male Pregnancy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:38:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4615053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Lister/Rimmer - Things I said when you told me you were pregnant. (Only slashy if you squint, sorry.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	all I have (to take your heart away)

**Author's Note:**

> [Originally posted on Tumblr](http://notalwaysweak.tumblr.com/post/126968959908/lister-rimmer-things-i-said-when-you-told-me).
> 
> Red Dwarf does not belong to me and I am making no money off this work of fan fiction.
> 
> * * *

It is easy, at first, to make a joke of the whole thing.

‘I’m going to be an uncle!’

‘Temper, temper, Listy–watch those hormones.’

‘Curry and ice cream sandwiches? No, Lister, I don’t think you’re having pregnancy cravings; that sounds just as disgusting as your usual diet.’

As the days go by and Lister gets bigger just that little bit faster than he ought to (even taking his new diet into consideration), Rimmer segues from sarcasm into concern. Unable to touch anything, he hovers outside the bathroom door, listening to Lister throw up and absurdly wishing he could at least hold Lister’s hair back for him.

They go through water by the tankload in those early weeks, because when Lister’s not being sick he’s huddled in the shower, the warm water beating down on him soothing. (Or so Rimmer assumes.)

He catches Lister, shirtless, staring at himself in the mirror, looking at the wild tiger stripe lines that have sprung up, a deeper dappled brown against his smooth skin. They look angry, like Lister’s body has split and torn with the speed of his belly’s growth.

Rimmer tries not to think too hard about that, in light of how Lister will have to give birth, and starts giving the skutters scalpel training on watermelons.

The things he says now are, ‘Put your feet up, Listy, I’ll get the Cat to get you a blanket.’ And, ‘I found some vitamin supplements in the medi-bay; you might want to try them, just to be safe. The skutters are going to bring them up.’ And, ‘Don’t worry about it, I’ll get the skutters to clean it up.’

What he wishes he could say is  _I_.  _I_  will get you a blanket.  _I_  will bring you vitamins, and  _I_  will clean up for you, and  _I_  will hold you in the middle of the night when you’re crying because the babies are growing so fast you feel like you’re being torn apart.

But he can’t.

Holly helps him go through the ship’s inventory looking for anything that might alleviate what Lister is going through, as well as the things they will need after the birth. (Assuming Lister survives–but no, he will not let himself think that.) The sleeping quarters become a storehouse for nappies and bottles and tins of sweet-smelling powdered formula.

Rimmer finds the most important thing on his own. It’s woefully apparent that the skutters aren’t going to be able to handle the Caesarean on their own, and expecting the Cat to do it is like expecting the Cat to do… well, anything that isn’t in his own self-interest. The medi-bay nearest their quarters is a utilitarian one, made for bandaging wounds and cleaning scrapes and very little else.

There’s more than one medi-bay on the ship, though. With all the (former) personnel on board and the sheer size of  _Red Dwarf_ , one medi-bay by itself couldn’t be expected to cover every need. And the one that Rimmer finds up by the officers’ quarters has different medical bots. Nursing bots that can assess and explain Lister’s current stage of pregnancy. That can advise which vitamins he needs more of, and suggest medication to ease his constant nausea.

And a surgery bot that can, if it hasn’t fallen too far into disrepair over the years, perform a Caesarean without jabbing the scalpel anywhere it shouldn’t.

He still makes it practice on a watermelon first but, when Lister comes to him and says, ‘I think I’m having contractions,’ Rimmer can lead him to the medical suite–discreetly averting his eyes as Lister changes into a gown–and start the bots on their voice-activated operation.

He still wishes he could reach out and take Lister’s hand when Lister grabs the edge of the bed in pain, but all he can do is watch and wait and hope. 


End file.
